What's it like to drive a Rolls-Royce?

IT WAS a curious conclusion to reach. The best car in the world was a strangely underwhelming one.

There are certain cherries, if you love driving cars, you’ve just got to pop. Burying the throttle on a REALLY powerful car on a private track, for instance – take a bow, Jaguar XKR-S – is one of them, and unleashing an Aston Martin for the first time is another. It’s also true that, as much as I love getting to the nitty gritty of whether the latest supermini is or isn’t worth your hard earned cash, I’m still waiting to fulfil that schoolboy fantasy of getting behind the wheel of Ferrari.

That’s why I had a certain giddy sense of expectation about driving a Rolls-Royce for the first time.

There’s a lot to be said for Crewe’s missiles. It’s true, for instance, that almost every Rolls-Royce is best experienced from the rear, but that’s a goal anyone who makes it to the church on time or the Northern English standup comedy circuit can experience. For me, the real fun was to be had by heading up to the bridge, and setting a course through the countryside in two tonnes of Silver Shadow.

Did I like it? Definitely. Would I, if I were to become Peter Kay’s more successful protégé, like to buy one? Not even slightly, largely because I’d be forever feeling sorry for the chauffeur.

The Rolls-Royce has a dignified lollop to the way it devours straights (well it would, with a 6.2 litre V8 stationed in the drawing room up front) but if so much as suggest a corner it goes all to pieces. In this sense at least, the Roller lives up to its name – if you’re playing at being a Middle East dictator in the rear seats, the feeling of it floating into a corner isn’t especially pleasant, but from the captain’s chair it’s actually verging on frightening.

That said, there is something to be said about having the Spirit of Ecstasy proudly protruding from your bonnet – especially if, like me, you want to indulge your Thunderbirds fixation – and the quality of craftsmanship on what is after all a forty-odd-year-old car buts modern Mercs to shame.

A modern day Rolls-Royce, of course, would feel completely different, but to be bluntly honest my first experience of the name synonymous with motoring perfection – the wedding trade’s chariot of choice – didn’t exactly float my motoring boat.

 The best car in the world? That’ll be the Jaguar XJ, then.

Life is F.A.B if you can afford to customise a Rolls-Royce Ghost

RUMOURS that Lady Penelope - International Rescue's chief representative in the UK - has returned to Rolls-Royce's showrooms have yet to be confirmed.

However, judging by these new images of the company's latest customised model, the Rose Quartz Ghost, it shouldn't be too long before TV fans are treated to a new series of the iconic Sixties action show Thunderbirds.


Torsten Müller-Ötvös, Rolls-Royce CEO, said of the company's new customisation programme:

“It is always our goal to exceed our clients’ highest expectations and fulfill their innermost desires.

"With highly bespoke Phantom and Ghost models, we are able to achieve this. The passion with which our bespoke craftspeople create these beautiful cars is reflected in some truly outstanding examples delivered across the globe last year."


Lady Penelope, of course, was famed for using a pink Rolls Royce in the original Gerry Anderson series, although for the 2004 movie adaptation she switched her loyalties to Ford, using a model based largely on the company's Thunderbird convertible.

The clue for cool car names comes from an unexpected source

“SOME of these eco cars have got awful names, haven't they?”

That was what one our subeditors at The Champion asked me after reading a short piece in last week's edition on the Ford Focus Econetic, the greener, leaner version of the Blue Oval's new big hitter. To be honest, I couldn't agree more.

Check out the news pages of any car magazine these days and chances are you'll be washed away by a stream of BlueMotions, Ecoflexes and Econetics, and that's before you come to electric cars with wet, boring names like Leaf and Zoe.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; the names people come up with for eco-friendly cars - as worthy as the vehicles they end up on might be - are awful.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have it in for electric cars, but their slow sales so far show that most Brits have yet to be convinced, and part of the problem I reckon is the pub scenario of having to tell people what you drive. In the same way I couldn't ever see myself admitting to having a Wind - despite it being a great car, I'll let you make your own jokes up - the chances of me proudly proclaiming ownership of an electric car are slashed significantly if it comes with the wrong name.

So far I've only seen two that actually sound vaguely interesting, but despite having the same source of power in common are actually poles apart. The Chevy Volt sounds like something the star of a dystopian sci-fi film might drive, but my favourite by far is the new battery powered Rolls Royce. Whether you call it by its proper title - Rolls Royce Phantom Electric Experimental - or its 102EX codename, it seems to have a name nicked straight from the world of Cold War comic books and action hero fighter pilots. I couldn't care less what it runs on, because it sounds cool.

Yet it seems the idea of giving racy, evocative names to products more suited to the set of The Good Life isn't anything new, and something else in last week's Champion proves it. Flick back through the classified ads section and you'll see the brilliantly named Ace Rallyman and the Swift Corniche up for sale. Despite conjuring up connotations of power, performance and luxury they're not cars. Or motorbikes. Or speedboats. Nope, you're not even close.

They're caravans.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

OUR collective efforts in The Champion office to win the Euromillions haven't been going terribly well so far.

Every week a gang of us journalist types get together in faint hope that we can win the continent's biggest prize draw, and at about half eleven each Friday night we discover we're still nowhere nearer to becoming overnight millionaires. This is a good thing because if I ever came across millions of pounds through a lottery win, I'd have no idea what to do with it.

Asking someone what they'd do with £40 million is pointless because it's such an inconceivably vast amount of money for a single person to spend (although Elton John might spend it on flowers), but given our reports last week that there's an unclaimed ticket somewhere in West Lancashire, it's a question someone's probably about to answer. Naturally, they'll need a car or two.

Fellow Champ columnist Jim Sharpe reckoned he'd buy a Bristol if his numbers came up, but unless you fancy blowing £140,000 on something that looks like a slightly melted Ford Capri I'd steer clear. Nor should you spend your millions on any of the old classics I reccomended last year in this column, because you'll end up with hundreds of the things and not one of them will work properly.

Forget any Ferrari, Porsche, Bentley or large Mercedes because it'll make you look like a footballer, running you the risk of appearing in Heat magazine by mistake.

Aston Martins are out of the running these days too; production has been ramped up so much it seems you're as likely to spot one as a Ford Focus in a traffic jam. And Rolls Phantoms are a bit too Alan Sugar.

Nor can you go for anything from the other side of the Atlantic either, because while the Cadillac Escalades and GMC Yukons are perfect for rap videos, they're just too big for Britain's roads. Same goes for the Corvette and Viper.

If it were my money I'd make a beeline straight to Blackpool and TVR, in the hope of having a hugely pretty but slightly bonkers sports car built just for me. Or at least I would if the factory hadn't shut down several years ago. In fact, I'd go for all of these:

1) TVR Griffith - A modern day E-Type, wonderful in every way
2) Aston Martin One-77 - The first extreme Aston for at least a decade
3) Ferrari 458 Italia - Because a Ferrari has to be beautiful
4) Ferrari F40 - See above
5) Jaguar XJ220 - Stunning but criminally underrated twenty years on
6) TVR Cerbera 4.5 (pictured) - Another TVR but wonderful in a weird and wacky way
7) Range Rover Vogue - But only in retro British Leyland shades, please
8) Audi Sport Quattro - Scary
9) Aston Martin Cygnet - Because a £50,000 Toyota IQ makes sense when you're a millionaire
10) Lotus Evora - A masterclass in minimalism

The problem with most millionaire motors is they make you look like a prat when you're driving them, particularly in these troubled times, so in a small way, I'm glad I'm unlikely to face the daunting prospect of buying one.

It could be you, though...

In true Life On Cars tradition, feel free to suggest your own top tens as comments.

A Life On Cars special: 2010's most exciting motors

EVEN if you answered the final question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire correctly, you still wouldn’t have enough to get behind the wheel of 2010’s most exciting motor.

Aston Martin’s One-77 might be the most exciting and energetic supercar ever launched by the British firm, but at a cool £1.2 million, it’s so eye-wateringly expensive that only the most successful of The X Factor’s judges will ever get behind the wheel.

Yet you won’t mind, because 2010 is set to be a bumper year for great cars...

1. Aston Martin Cygnet



Mere mortals can still get behind a steering wheel adorned with those evocative Aston Martin wings, because for the first time ever the company has moved away from making James Bond’s motors and brought out a city slicker.

The Cygnet, Aston’s unlikely urban runabout, is a Toyota IQ with English trimmings, which at first sounds about as appetising as serving sushi and roast beef on the same plate, but the Japanese tot is a surprisingly fun little car to drive and the one to beat when it comes to clever engineering. It’s a great place for the sports car makers to start, and it’s just a shame you’ll have to be an existing Aston owner to buy one.

2. MINI Countryman



The Cygnet will also have to take on another iconic British brand, because MINI are offering not one but two tempting takes on their revival of a motoring legend, one of the Noughties’ biggest success stories.

The original Mini Countryman, introduced in the 1960s, was a cute estate version of the plucky small car but the new one throws extra doors and off-roader styling cues into the mix, and I’m not entirely sure whether existing MINI fans are going to like it. More likely to impress MINI moguls is the Coupe, which despite its love-it-or-loathe-it looks is bound to build on the Cooper’s longstanding reputation of being great fun to drive and could prove a hot hatch hit.

3. Peugeot 308RC Z



One of the MINI Coupe's sure-fire competitors, Peugeot’s surprisingly stylish 308RC Z, should be one of 2010’s memorable machines. It might be derived from the dowdy 308 hatchback but thanks to a slinky sports car body and a distinctive “bubble” roof it’s easily the prettiest Pug for at least a decade. Think of it as a cut-price Audi TT and you won’t be far off.

4. Citroen DS3



Another French contender for your cash is Citroen’s first attempt to bring a little luxury to its line-up. The DS3 might be based on the next version of the C3 supermini, which isn’t due out until next year, but it’s exactly the sort of image-conscious little car you might consider if you think the Fiat 500 is a little last season.

5. Saab 9-5



One car maker which could definitely do with a little continental know-how is Saab, and it got it earlier this year when Dutch supercar specialists Spyker took the reins at the troubled Swedish firm. The new 9-5, due out later this year, is one of a few cars I’m really aching to get behind the wheel of, just to see whether behind its bold styling is the luxury car comeback of the decade.

6. Jaguar XJ



The last company to pull that trick off was Jaguar, after the sporty XF wowed critics by showing it can still do saloons properly. Its big brother, the XJ, is proving a little more controversial by taking the big cat’s best known car and replacing it with something which looks a little awkward from most angles, but Jaguar don’t take risks lightly. It could be the cat that gets the cream!

7. Ferrari 458 Italia



You know it’s going to be a good year if there’s a new Ferrari on offer, and for 2010 we’ve got the first truly beautiful Ferrari for a generation on the way. The chances of me actually driving the 458 Italia are slim to non-existent, but I’m not bothered because that would mean having to be inside it, the one place you can’t take in that gorgeous riot of Rosso Red curves. There really isn’t a line out of place.

8 and 9. Rolls Royce Ghost and Bentley Mulsanne




The 458 should make the perfect companion in any millionaire’s garage for either the Rolls-Royce Ghost or the Bentley Mulsanne, both of which go on sale to Alan Sugar types later in the year. Whether you’re swayed by the Bentley’s sporty charm or the Roller’s definition of luxury is really a matter of taste, but both look likely to offer a blend of indomitable British style with a hint of German engineering prowess. Any offers of test drives to the usual Life On Cars address, please.



10. Ford Focus




The great thing about the single car I’m looking forward to driving most is that you don’t need to be a millionaire at all. You might not get excited by a new Ford Focus because it’s Britain’s best-selling car, but both of its first two generations proved you don’t have to be a car bore to appreciate something that drives brilliantly.

It doesn’t matter what size your wallet is when it comes to splashing out on a car this year, because there’s so much out there that’ll impress and inspire even the least enthusiast of drivers.

I’d still quite like a go in that Aston, though…

Life On Lawnmowers

I KNOW this blog’s called Life On Cars and therefore should only cover cars, but this week I’ll make an exception, mainly so I can post this gloriously cheesy picture.

As part of a new Champion series called Movers and Shakers I’ve met up with Brian Radam, the man behind the National Lawnmower Museum, based in Southport (no, really).

Among the seemingly millions of mowers proudly on display in Brian’s collection is one of Chaz and Di’s wedding presents, the latest robotic lawn monsters, and some speedy racing mowers, like this 300cc beast I took a liking to.

It turns out that we used to lead the world when it came to lawnmowers, with such illustrious names as Rolls-Royce, Velocette and, er, Wilkinson-Sword making machines your gardener could be proud of.

Shame that Britain’s lawnmower industry went the same way as the car makers, although the idea of them all joining forces to create a grass-cutting conglomerate – probably called British Leylawn – would probably have been a step too far.

We could have ended up with a world-class mower with razor-sharp blades, motorbike handling, and the engineering quality of a Rolls Royce. Or the Austin Allegro.

Anyway for mower information keep an eye out in The Champion for my piece on Mr Radam, or check out the museum’s website.