Why I want a Ferrari F355 for Christmas

THE NATION’S best pub, I’ve long maintained, is hidden in a hamlet in a remote Cumbrian valley.

It’s 15 miles from the nearest train station and the bus service is next to non-existent, so the only way you can realistically reach it is by bringing a designated driver who’ll happily ferry you home afterwards. The ales on offer are also a bit limited – there are six of them, and they’re all brewed in the building next door.

As a practical proposition it’s pretty much useless, but the tipple is so tasty the pub counts Prince Charles and Sir Chris Bonington among its fans. The location alone means it’ll only ever be an occasional indulgence, which makes the few occasions I do manage to enjoy it that little bit more special.

In other words, it’s a bit like the first Ferrari I’ve been fortunate to get a go in. Even for someone who writes about and drives all sorts of cars, taking the helm of Maranello’s finest is something I’ve spent years longing to do. So far I’ve managed to bag the keys to a Lotus, a Jaguar, an Aston Martin and a Rolls-Royce, but until now people have always been too sensible to allow me access to a Ferrari.
 

Better still, it wasn’t some tired old Mondial that’s overdue its next service or a 400 that’s missed a decade’s worth of TLC; the Ferrari in question was the F355, which the motoring mags in period always praised as being as being the company’s return to form after the dud that was the old 348. A 1997 F355 GTS which had been meticulously maintained 360 days of the year, just those five days when it’s deemed sensible to take it out for a blast.

The weird thing was that, even as a hugely expensive mid-engined supercar, it was no harder to drive in the real world than the Nissan Note I’d been piloting a few hours earlier. I didn’t know whether to be delighted or dismayed; on the one hand, you really can take a Ferrari F355 to Tesco, but on the other it’ll feel strangely anodyne when you do. The steering’s too over-assisted and the V8, at real world speeds, is barely awake.

Nope, the only way to treat a F355 is the way Ferrari intended. Plonk your right foot into the carpet on the wrong day (which in Cameron’s Britain, is pretty much every day) and you’ll either end up heading backwards into the nearest hedge at high speed or looking at your shoes in the nearest police station.

But on the right day, with great weather and a road where you can safely exploit it, the Ferrari sings. The perfectly-weighted steering, the howling 3.5 litre V8 and the electronic dampers join forces, doing magical things you previously didn’t think were possible in a car.

It is, like my favourite pub, something best enjoyed on a handful of occasions. To answer all those questions your inner eight-year-old is asking – yes, the Ferrari F355 really is as good as everyone says it is.

You just have to choose your moment carefully.

Ferrari have got a surprisingly good reason to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee

I WAS a bit confused when Ferrari announced how it'd be celebrating the Diamond Jubilee.

Italy's most iconic car maker are not only sending a cavalcade of their finest creations to Windsor to mark the celebrations, but they're also bringing a division of the mounted Carabinieri (that's Italian for bobbies on horses) with them. All this for a foreign head of state who, while being fabulously rich, has never actually owned a Ferrari. Prince Charles we all know for being a bit of an Aston man, but I don't recall Queen Elizabeth II being on the waiting list for the 458 Italia.

Then it clicked. The bosses of the most obviously petrolhead company on the planet are paying tribute to something you probably didn't know about Her Majesty. Whisper it softly, but the Queen is a car enthusiast! You probably thought Britain's highest profile motoring fan was Jeremy Clarkson, didn't you? There are, even if you exclude the presenters of Top Gear, all sorts of powerful and influential people who have a passion for motoring. Steve Coogan, for instance, or Jamiroquai frontman Jay Kay. Chris Evans, meanwhile, is a proper Ferrari ambassador, and has an entire collection of the Prancing Horse's finest. Arguably, though, the Queen is more high profile than any of those. She appears on our banknotes and everything!

Don't believe me? Well, it's a fact that Her Majesty The Queen is a trained mechanic, and while she could have done all sorts of different things to help the British war effort in the 1940s she spent most of the conflict in a boiler suit underneath army trucks, mending things. It's also true that she had a Rover P5B Coupe (a proper, regal old Rover from the days they were fitted with plush carpets and thumping great V8 engines) which she had not as something she could be chauffeured about in, but so that she could actually drive it herself, simply because she enjoyed it. When she eventually got rid of it she got a Jag for exactly the same purpose.

There's something strangely comforting in these austere times about knowing that the ruling monarch, deep down, is a keen driver with a James May-like command of mechanical knowhow and a taste for V8-engined luxury saloons. No wonder Ferrari thought it'd be a good idea to celebrate 60 years of her reign by showing her some F40s and Daytonas.

Deep down, I reckon she'd like ‘em...

Coming soon....

THERE'S another issue of the Life On Cars Magazine on the way, and this time it's something a bit special.



Not only is the sixth issue given over entirely to the Ormskirk Motorfest, taking place on August 28, but it's a publication that's got the official backing of the event's organisers. Life On Cars has been given the behind-the-scenes look at one of the north west's most exciting motoring events, and in this new publication you'll be able to find out all about it.



Regular readers will also spot that the magazine's been given a bit of a revamp, to keep it fresh and full of ideas, which I hope you'll enjoy when it's launched in the next couple of days.



Watch this space...

Would you buy an electric car if it sounded like a Ferrari?

IT'S the question that's on the mind of every motoring enthusiast. What noise should electric cars make?

This, I'm sure, has been occupying your every waking moment, and probably some of the ones where you haven't been awake. No, I wasn't aware it was a problem either but as it's big enough an issue to make it onto the BBC News, it's probably worth probing into further. Apparently, electric cars need noise so they don't silently run down pedestrians who didn't hear them coming.

Only they're not silent, are they? Anyone who's ever travelled on a Virgin Pendelino train with a hangover will know that electric motors are actually things that shriek when you put your foot down. The electric cars I've been in, thankfully, are a lot quieter, but in their bid to rid the roads of engine clatter they've eliminated the sounds that pedestrians, cyclists and guide dogs alike are trained to recognise. Electric cars, the experts have decided, need to make a noise to save all of these people from a nasty accident. But which?

Among the noises tried out by some academic types at Warwick University include what sounds like the two-stroke clatter of a misfiring moped, some soundbytes from a bad Fifties B-Movie and some ambient white noise I'm sure they've nicked from Brian Eno's back catalogue. But they're missing a valuable opportuity. If you've got make the noise, why not have some fun?

You could, for instance, get your car to play something by N-Dubz or the Black Eyed Peas, but then you run the risk of nobody wanting to travel with you out of sheer embarrassement.

Classical's out too, because while something like Elgar's Nimrod would sound splendid in isolation, I imagine a thousand works from history's greatest composers played simultaneously in a busy city centre would like someone trying to slowly kill you with a violin. So no.

Personally, I like the idea of taking advantage of accoustics nicked straight from the automotive world, and bringing engine noises which sound nice - no, I haven't gone mad - to our electric cars.

With everything from the chilling roar of a Porsche flat six, through the burbly woofle of a Rover V8 right up to the full-throated Pavarotti howl of an Italian supercar, there's plenty to choose from. Better still, you could just press a button on the dashboard if you get bored of it.

An electric car which sounds like an old Ferrari when you start it up? Admit it, you know you want one.

The Life On Cars Radio Show, episode 2

The Life On Cars radio show is back!

This time, Birkdale-based enthusiast and fellow MGB owner Gareth Jackson has taken the hot seat, offering his thoughts on everything from the freshly launched Kia Picanto to the fearsome Ferrari FF.

You can check this week's episode out by clicking on the link below to see what guest Katie Massam and I think of a whole host of cars, and you can check out all the other broadcasts on the "Radio" link on the blog.

You can also get involved, if you've got an opinion about cars and don't mind having a microphone thrust in your face, by getting in touch.

Enjoy...

Twice the price of what you need

FIAT'S 500 range has been boosted by two new arrivals this week - but one costs more than twice the price of the other!

Dedicated fans of the Italian icon will be delighted to know they can now pay tribute to the Ferrari F1 team with the Abarth 695 Tributo Ferrari, above, which boosts not only 180bhp, lots of luxuries and a limited production run of just 152 cars, but an eyewatering pricetag of £29,600. That's £5,000 more than the bigger and faster Golf GTi, though it's also the cheapest new car you can buy with a Ferrari badge on it.

Alternatively you can spend less than half that to get a limited edition 500, with the Fiat 500 Black, below, costing a rather more reasonable £12,165 for the 1.2 version. This sequel to the Fiat 500 Pink introduced earlier this year won't be as fast or as exclusive as the Tributo Ferrari, but you will at least stand out from the crowd.

And with the £17,435 you'll have saved by going for the cheaper car, you could always buy another.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

OUR collective efforts in The Champion office to win the Euromillions haven't been going terribly well so far.

Every week a gang of us journalist types get together in faint hope that we can win the continent's biggest prize draw, and at about half eleven each Friday night we discover we're still nowhere nearer to becoming overnight millionaires. This is a good thing because if I ever came across millions of pounds through a lottery win, I'd have no idea what to do with it.

Asking someone what they'd do with £40 million is pointless because it's such an inconceivably vast amount of money for a single person to spend (although Elton John might spend it on flowers), but given our reports last week that there's an unclaimed ticket somewhere in West Lancashire, it's a question someone's probably about to answer. Naturally, they'll need a car or two.

Fellow Champ columnist Jim Sharpe reckoned he'd buy a Bristol if his numbers came up, but unless you fancy blowing £140,000 on something that looks like a slightly melted Ford Capri I'd steer clear. Nor should you spend your millions on any of the old classics I reccomended last year in this column, because you'll end up with hundreds of the things and not one of them will work properly.

Forget any Ferrari, Porsche, Bentley or large Mercedes because it'll make you look like a footballer, running you the risk of appearing in Heat magazine by mistake.

Aston Martins are out of the running these days too; production has been ramped up so much it seems you're as likely to spot one as a Ford Focus in a traffic jam. And Rolls Phantoms are a bit too Alan Sugar.

Nor can you go for anything from the other side of the Atlantic either, because while the Cadillac Escalades and GMC Yukons are perfect for rap videos, they're just too big for Britain's roads. Same goes for the Corvette and Viper.

If it were my money I'd make a beeline straight to Blackpool and TVR, in the hope of having a hugely pretty but slightly bonkers sports car built just for me. Or at least I would if the factory hadn't shut down several years ago. In fact, I'd go for all of these:

1) TVR Griffith - A modern day E-Type, wonderful in every way
2) Aston Martin One-77 - The first extreme Aston for at least a decade
3) Ferrari 458 Italia - Because a Ferrari has to be beautiful
4) Ferrari F40 - See above
5) Jaguar XJ220 - Stunning but criminally underrated twenty years on
6) TVR Cerbera 4.5 (pictured) - Another TVR but wonderful in a weird and wacky way
7) Range Rover Vogue - But only in retro British Leyland shades, please
8) Audi Sport Quattro - Scary
9) Aston Martin Cygnet - Because a £50,000 Toyota IQ makes sense when you're a millionaire
10) Lotus Evora - A masterclass in minimalism

The problem with most millionaire motors is they make you look like a prat when you're driving them, particularly in these troubled times, so in a small way, I'm glad I'm unlikely to face the daunting prospect of buying one.

It could be you, though...

In true Life On Cars tradition, feel free to suggest your own top tens as comments.

You can bank on the Swiss to show us some great cars

A SERIES of stunning cars destined to land in your local showroom over the next year are being showcased in Geneva this week.

The Swiss city's annual motorshow is always a hot tip for spotting the machines which will be impressing motorists in the near future, with everything from supercars to superminis - and a touch of the weird and wonderful - on on offer.

Almost every manufacturer is striving to show off something exciting at the event, and one motor that's been making waves this week is Toyota's FT-86, the Japanese giant's riposte to the 370Z, the latest in Nissan's reinvigorated range of sports coupes.

Following in the footsteps of the Celica and Supra, it's a welcome return to sports car territory, and a great way to revive interest in the carmaker after the scandal surrounding safety recalls on some of its other models earlier this year. With rear-wheel-drive, a rev-happy two litre lump and a six speed gearbox, it's definitely a GT from the old school.

But where Toyota are going back to basics, Ferrari are looking to the future, and have embraced the world of hybrid technology by fitting an electric motor to the 599 GTB supercar.

It's not quite the shock you'd expect; rather than chasing economy or trying to save the planet, the Italian company have taken a few tips from their F1 colleagues and used the system, dubbed Hy-Kers, to generate more than 100bhp on top of what the 599 GTB already generates, meaning it'll be a formidable motor if it ever makes production.

After the sucess of the DS3 hatchback, Citroen are continuing their move upmarket by naming a slinky saloon after a mens' magazine, called simply the GQbyCITROEN. I look forward to test driving the NUTSbyCITROEN and the FHMbyCITROEN sometime next year.

Yet you'll find the real star of the show hidden away on the Opel - that's Vauxhall to you and me - stand, where the tiny Meriva is being launched. Building on the success of the slightly cubist original, the firm's smallest MPV brings cuter styling and some neat touches (check out the clever rear doors) to what's bound to be a big hit for Vauxhall.

They'll be everywhere this time next year, and you can't say that about most motorshow stars.

A Life On Cars special: 2010's most exciting motors

EVEN if you answered the final question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire correctly, you still wouldn’t have enough to get behind the wheel of 2010’s most exciting motor.

Aston Martin’s One-77 might be the most exciting and energetic supercar ever launched by the British firm, but at a cool £1.2 million, it’s so eye-wateringly expensive that only the most successful of The X Factor’s judges will ever get behind the wheel.

Yet you won’t mind, because 2010 is set to be a bumper year for great cars...

1. Aston Martin Cygnet



Mere mortals can still get behind a steering wheel adorned with those evocative Aston Martin wings, because for the first time ever the company has moved away from making James Bond’s motors and brought out a city slicker.

The Cygnet, Aston’s unlikely urban runabout, is a Toyota IQ with English trimmings, which at first sounds about as appetising as serving sushi and roast beef on the same plate, but the Japanese tot is a surprisingly fun little car to drive and the one to beat when it comes to clever engineering. It’s a great place for the sports car makers to start, and it’s just a shame you’ll have to be an existing Aston owner to buy one.

2. MINI Countryman



The Cygnet will also have to take on another iconic British brand, because MINI are offering not one but two tempting takes on their revival of a motoring legend, one of the Noughties’ biggest success stories.

The original Mini Countryman, introduced in the 1960s, was a cute estate version of the plucky small car but the new one throws extra doors and off-roader styling cues into the mix, and I’m not entirely sure whether existing MINI fans are going to like it. More likely to impress MINI moguls is the Coupe, which despite its love-it-or-loathe-it looks is bound to build on the Cooper’s longstanding reputation of being great fun to drive and could prove a hot hatch hit.

3. Peugeot 308RC Z



One of the MINI Coupe's sure-fire competitors, Peugeot’s surprisingly stylish 308RC Z, should be one of 2010’s memorable machines. It might be derived from the dowdy 308 hatchback but thanks to a slinky sports car body and a distinctive “bubble” roof it’s easily the prettiest Pug for at least a decade. Think of it as a cut-price Audi TT and you won’t be far off.

4. Citroen DS3



Another French contender for your cash is Citroen’s first attempt to bring a little luxury to its line-up. The DS3 might be based on the next version of the C3 supermini, which isn’t due out until next year, but it’s exactly the sort of image-conscious little car you might consider if you think the Fiat 500 is a little last season.

5. Saab 9-5



One car maker which could definitely do with a little continental know-how is Saab, and it got it earlier this year when Dutch supercar specialists Spyker took the reins at the troubled Swedish firm. The new 9-5, due out later this year, is one of a few cars I’m really aching to get behind the wheel of, just to see whether behind its bold styling is the luxury car comeback of the decade.

6. Jaguar XJ



The last company to pull that trick off was Jaguar, after the sporty XF wowed critics by showing it can still do saloons properly. Its big brother, the XJ, is proving a little more controversial by taking the big cat’s best known car and replacing it with something which looks a little awkward from most angles, but Jaguar don’t take risks lightly. It could be the cat that gets the cream!

7. Ferrari 458 Italia



You know it’s going to be a good year if there’s a new Ferrari on offer, and for 2010 we’ve got the first truly beautiful Ferrari for a generation on the way. The chances of me actually driving the 458 Italia are slim to non-existent, but I’m not bothered because that would mean having to be inside it, the one place you can’t take in that gorgeous riot of Rosso Red curves. There really isn’t a line out of place.

8 and 9. Rolls Royce Ghost and Bentley Mulsanne




The 458 should make the perfect companion in any millionaire’s garage for either the Rolls-Royce Ghost or the Bentley Mulsanne, both of which go on sale to Alan Sugar types later in the year. Whether you’re swayed by the Bentley’s sporty charm or the Roller’s definition of luxury is really a matter of taste, but both look likely to offer a blend of indomitable British style with a hint of German engineering prowess. Any offers of test drives to the usual Life On Cars address, please.



10. Ford Focus




The great thing about the single car I’m looking forward to driving most is that you don’t need to be a millionaire at all. You might not get excited by a new Ford Focus because it’s Britain’s best-selling car, but both of its first two generations proved you don’t have to be a car bore to appreciate something that drives brilliantly.

It doesn’t matter what size your wallet is when it comes to splashing out on a car this year, because there’s so much out there that’ll impress and inspire even the least enthusiast of drivers.

I’d still quite like a go in that Aston, though…

Life On Cars: Car of the Year 2009

RATHER than the usual motoring fix, I’ve launched the inaugural Life On Cars Car of the Year Awards to honour the good, the bad, and the Susan Boyles of the motoring world.

For 2009, I’ve decided to start with a recurring joke in The Champion office…

The Austin Mini Award for Least Reliable Vehicle goes not to my Austin Mini, which requires you to mend it as you drive it, but to the Vespa scooter it replaced. I know it’s not a car, but any machine badly built by someone with no understanding of electronics means a truly scary reliability record.

The Toyota IQ Award for Best Toyota IQ goes to the Toyota IQ. I absolutely loved the fun factor of this tiny Japanese tot, which lets you get four adults into something no bigger than a Smart. Blend nice dynamics and zany looks and you’re onto a winner.

The Impending Accident Award for Best Road has to go to the Llanberis Pass, which I discovered while popping out for a coffee one morning in North Wales. My brakes probably didn’t appreciate its climbs, dips and bends, but I’m still waiting for my next fix.

The utterly alive sensation from the Morgan 4/4 means it wins the award for Best Drive of 2009, although the sheer speed of BMW’s Z4 and the sprightly handling of Volkswagen’s Scirocco earn them honourable mentions.

The Lady Gaga Award for Questionable Style goes jointly to the Australian-built Skelta, which has looks to scare small children, and the Toyota IQ For Sports, which takes one of my favourite cars and ruins it. Luckily, neither are on sale over here yet.

Best Motoring Event of 2009, for me at least, was the banger race which saw teams from across the North West crucify caravans in the silliest motorsport spectacle in ages. The Woodvale Rally was fun, but it didn’t make me laugh as much.

I could have plumped for the scintillating Ferrari 458 as the Car I’m Most Looking Forward To, but for all its stunning styling it isn’t gracing my computer screen. That honour goes to Jaguar’s upcoming XJ, pictured above, which I reckon I’m alone in thinking looks great.

And last but not least, the not-at-all stunning Life On Cars Car Of The Year Award, which goes not to 2009’s best car but the one I liked the most. It’s a toss-up between the IQ and Ford’s Fiesta, and on the basis that I might have to carry things as well as people, the Ford, pictured below, just snatches it.

Normal service will resume next week, I promise. You can go back to sorting out your New Year’s resolutions now.

The '80s are back, and it's terrible

I’VE been invited to a party!

Unfortunately, this year’s Champion festive bash is an ‘80s-themed-do, meaning chances are I’ll have to go in fancy dress, and the problem is most '80s characters tend not to just drive cars, but wear them like part of their outfit.

Most people boring enough to hire a car for their Christmas do usually go for a Hummer that’s lined with five miles of mini-bars and cheap lighting, but I usually try – and fail – to do things a bit more tastefully.

I tried once for months to get a Jag XJ12 (Google it) at my disposal for a party, but ended up giving up and going for a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow instead, before the hire company changed its mind. My grand arrival that night was courtesy of Merseyrail, so I’m determined to do it properly this time.

Anything too flashy is out for starters, so Knightrider, the Ferraris from Magnum P.I, Ferris Bueller’s Day Out and Miami Vice and anything Roger Moore drove are an expensive no-go area. I quite fancied Gene Hunt’s Audi Quattro but the thought of drunken thirtysomethings screaming “Fire up the Quattro!” at me is just too much.

I could go all Bodie and Doyle and handbrake-turn a Capri for the night, as I know a friend with several, but the resort’s roads are a bit slippy at this time of year. Chances are I’d spend my Christmas party in someone’s front garden, having powerslided off a wet roundabout. Just like the old days.

The best ever fancy dress costume I resorted to was Darth Vader – I had a really bad throat that night – but despite my ambitions to win something for the second time in my life I think turning up in an X-Wing Fighter might be a tad ambitious.

There is always the opposite end of the ‘80s spectrum, but that would mean dressing up as Morrissey, arriving by bicycle and spending the entire night pretending that I’m a vegetarian with a girlfriend in a coma. No thanks.

I think my only option is just to give up, take my own car into town, and pretend I’ve gone dressed as whatever 80s screen star it happens to project onto my Christmas-weary self.

That means I’ll be going as Mr Bean, then…

Don't throw Mervyn's money at the banks, spend it on cars instead

BRITAIN'S beleaguered bunch of bankers and business tsars really ought to stop ruining the economy and move into classic cars instead.

This is just one of the conclusions I've learned from a weekend traipsing around the Classic Motor Show, an annual gathering of beards, Brummies and old Bristols at the National Exhibition Centre, just outside Birmingham.



Sure, the sight of Alan Sugar sprawled underneath a Sunbeam Tiger is about as likely as Richard Hammond running Northern Rock, but I honestly think the world of classic cars could do with a little quantative easing.




Lots of you have probably been to these shows - our very own Woodvale Rally does a great job of showcasing Southport's older motors - but the telling thing wasn't actually the acres of polished panels adorning the show's entrants.

It was actually the suspicious number of car-sized trailers parked just outside, some probably costing more than their cargo. I wager that not one of the wheeled wonders at the show actually arrived under its own steam, which gives naïve visitors the wrong impression.



The best bits were undoubtedly the dream classics nobody could afford to run - apart from Sir Fred Goodwin, perhaps - but away from all the D-Types, Astons and Ferraris was a procession of MGs, Singers and other sad machines that spend their lives in lock-ups and had been ushered into the show on trailers like diva celebrities. Even Mariah Carey doesn't get that sort of treatment.

Don't get me wrong, the show was fantastic but too many of the machines just seemed the subject of Mervyn King-style investment. And there I was thinking the £5,500 my flatmate's just spent on another Ford Capri was a bit much.



In fact the real star of the show was in fact the lone Triumph Stag parked next to us in the car park, which had all those lovely telltale signs of actually being used on a daily basis. Away from the endless array of too-clean Cortinas and money-no-object Morris Marinas, this was a refreshing shot of reality.

The chap who owns it is clearly a sensible soul who knows how to spend money properly. I think he should be our leader.



Revisit Life On Cars later this week for more pictures from the show.

Farrari: Taiwan's greatest sports car

JUST last weekend I was offered a glimpse into a strange and exciting new world; one of someone who wasn't into their cars!

I know this because my friend - who, at the tender age of 23, is facing a midlife crisis - has decided she's got to start saving up for the ultimate Italian sports car. Yes, she wants to ditch her ageing Vauxhall Corsa for a Farrari.

A what, sorry? I thought it was Ferrari, with an 'e', that petrolheads the globe over get all misty-eyed over, but apparently no more. Lexus proved years ago that you can make a far-eastern motor that closely mimics a Mercedes - and still sell - so the idea of a cheap, knock-off Ferrari doesn't seem so far-fetched either.

Like Guccy watches and Nikey trainers, all Farraris would be made not by skilled Italian craftsman, but by small children in Taiwanese workshops, and then sold for £14.99. Compared to the £143,000 needed for the California, the real Ferrari's entry-level model, it's a bit of a bargain.

All Farraris would get plenty of power from their evocative two-stroke scooter engines, but then they'd need it to see off tough competition like the Porch 911 and the Lamburgini Murky Lager.

Luckily Farrari's fine racing heritage gives it a great pedigree and a following like no other. It might not be in F1, mind, but where better to showcase your sporting credentials than in the village cricket championship?

It's just a shame some of the models wearing that evocative prancing bull badge aren't quite up to scratch. The newest model, the 458 Ital, is clearly a minicab repainted in Italian Racing Red, while their entry-level roadster doesn't even have wheels.

As car firms go, I don't think Farrari's a bad one. Its cars might be a little lacking in some of the more important aspects - such as working - but five minutes of illustrious and imaginary heritage can't be wrong.

Once I'd finished my pint, I got back to the rather more pressing issue of cars that actually exist, and asked my co-drinker if she had anything else in mind.

"Definitely," she said sagely.

"A Kia Sedona would be lovely"...