Why the BMW M3 deserves its brutal reputation

THE original BMW M3 is a sort of automotive Al Pacino. Despite having a sophisticated side, you can’t help looking at it and concluding it’s hard as nails.

There have been other go-faster saloons since – in the same way there have been plenty of American gangster films before and since Scarface – but this is the one everyone always remembers. It’s always been held up as being not just one of the greatest BMWs ever made, but one of the best cars, period.

Yet in the same way that I remember feeling weirdly underwhelmed when I watched Scarface for the first time, I initially got behind the wheel of this German performance motoring icon last week, taking it for a brief run and concluded it wasn’t much cop.

Why, I wondered, did people in the distant past of the late 1980s get so fizzed up about an expensive, two-door saloon which was only available in left-hand-drive? Didn’t the descendents of today’s modern man find the dog-leg racing gearbox, where you shift the gearlever backwards to get first, utterly infuriating to use? And why were they going for something which was only so-so to drive in the real world when you could have a TVR S2 or a Ford Sierra Cosworth for less?

It was only as I was pondering these questions – and why the original M3, codenamed the E30, attracts such a whopping premium over its faster successors – that the motorhome in front finally turned off and the road opened up, finally giving me the chance to actually see what one of the most sought after BMWs ever can really do.

It took about 20 seconds for Al Pacino’s automotive equivalent to pummel my scepticism into submission. Only when you take the M3 by the scruff of its neck do you really appreciate that it really is as good as everybody says it is.

You can tell from the howl of its four-cylinder, BMW Motorsport-developed engine above 4000rpm and the sensational handling that this car was developed with one thing in mind; winning races. The M3 Evolution version I drove might only develop 212bhp, which is less than half of what today’s M3 churns out, but because it’s so much smaller and lighter it still feels ruthlessly frantic.

Which is really frustrating thing about driving an E30 M3 – the magic moment when you get its steering and suspension to sing is also the moment you have to back off, because you just know you’ll lose your licence if you carry on.

The BMW E30 M3 not only lives up to every bit of its hard-earned reputation as a roadgoing streetfighter, but it’s a bit too brilliant for British roads. Mess with one at your peril!

Jaguar XE - why it deserves to succeed

FORGET Euro 2016. The most realistic chance of watching England going up against the Germans and giving them a comprehensive thrashing is in the car mags, sometime next spring.

It’s not often you get three hugely important automotive unveilings within a week of each other, but that’s precisely what happened when the Land Rover Discovery Sport, Mazda’s new MX-5 and Jaguar’s XE all waded into your Twitter feed at roughly the same moment. For what it’s worth, it’s the unveiling of only the fourth MX-5 in 25 years which pressed all my petrolhead buttons, but that’s a small, open top sports car enjoyed by hedonists in search of a hairpin bend in the Welsh countryside.

The XE, on the other hand, could very well be the most important new car launched this year. Largely because it offers to take the fight to the BMW 3-Series and Audi A4 and actually win. A victory which – and I know Jaguar Land Rover is owned by an Indian conglomerate – would be fantastic news for UK Plc.

It’d be a particularly hard-earned result if the Jaguar’s new saloon did pull it off because – in a well-established tradition of so-near-yet-so-far established by England’s footballers on their business trip to Italy back in 1990 -  the company got so close to pulling it off originally with the X-type 14 years ago.

It was far from a bad car, essentially being an improved and upgraded twist on the hugely accomplished Mk3 Ford Mondeo, but even being that wasn’t quite as talented as the contemporary 3-Series, and as a result few BMW salesmen lost any sleep over the British upstart. All anybody remembers about it now is it being a bit of an also-ran in terms of sales figures and (unfairly) that it’s a Mondeo-in-drag.

The XE, on the other hand, has got everything going for it. It’ll be keenly priced - £27,000 should get you into the entry-level version – and comes with the exactly the sort of small diesel engine which has helped the 3-Series storm past the Mondeo to earn the top spot as Britain’s favourite big saloon. It’ll also be rear-wheel-drive (which is important, given the X-type was also castigated for being propelled by the ‘wrong’ wheels) and it looks like a younger, fresher version of the XF, which is a bit like Dannii Minogue looking like a younger, fresher version of Kylie.

Obviously, the real proof will be out on Britain’s roads in a few months time, when we’ll discover whether England really has scored the automotive equivalent of 5-1 over BMW and Audi. If it has, expected every motorway outside lane to be packed with XEs this time next year.

Why this special edition BMW M5 will be one to remember

BMW has celebrated the 30th anniversary of a performance car institution by unveiling its most powerful production model ever.

The BMW M5 30 Jahre – roughly translated into English as 30 Years of the BMW M5 – is a special edition of the flagship saloon which offers up 600bhp from its 4.4 litre V8 engine, 40bhp more than the standard model.

While that might not sound much in an era when the world's fastest production car, the Hennessey Venom GT, pumps out more than twice that, but it's worth remembering that the M5's V8 now produces just 27bhp less than the BMW Motorsport V12 used to propel the McLaren F1 to 241mph. It also means the new special-edition M5 can haul you, three of your closest petrolhead friends and their luggage to 60mph in just 3.9 seconds - yes, the Nissan GT-R is faster, but it's nowhere near as practical.

Just 30 of them, costing £91,890 each, will be imported into the UK It's also fairly safe to assume this extremely-limited edition M5 will become one of the more sought after offerings from BMW's Motorsport Division, joining the likes of the E30 M3 Evolution and the E46 M3 CSL as one of those Munich performance machines which attracts a cult following among fans of BMW's ballsier offerings.

Since the car’s introduction in 1984 there have been five generations of the M5, which are all versions of the regular 5-Series saloon tuned by BMW’s Motorsport division.

Life begins at 40 for Mitsubishi UK

MITSUBISHI is celebrating 40 years of selling cars in the UK by bringing one of its most extreme offerings to Britain.

The company’s special edition Lancer Evolution X FQ-440 MR might pack both a lengthy name and a hefty £50,000 price tag, but its turbocharged 440bhp and rally-bred four-wheel-drive system make it one of the fastest four-door saloons on the market.

To find out more about the special edition, which is only available in white, visit www.mitsubishi-cars.co.uk

Subaru brings an affordable performance icon back to Britain

A rally-bred favourite from Japan is being brought back to Britain by popular demand, it has been confirmed.

Subaru said that the turbocharged version of its Impreza – now called the WRX STI – will be sold in this country from June, with prices starting at £28,995 for the turbocharged, four-wheel-drive saloon.

While the company has said it will only be sold in limited numbers, the company’s decision to sell it here reflects the dedicated following Subaru’s performance models have previously enjoyed here.

It's time to find out whether the new MG range is any good

BROKEN your New Year’s resolution yet? I haven’t, although for 2014 one of my goals seems to be a bit more ambitious than most.

This isn't about shedding a stone by sweating it out on a treadmill or deciding to raise a few more quid for charity. This year, one of my aims is to actually drive one of the modern day MGs and let you know if they’re any good.

Largely because I want to come to my conclusions about one of 2013’s great motoring mysteries. Why, when you weren't looking, has MG’s market share halved?

As someone who owns an old MG, I was actually quite excited about seeing the octagon badge back on the front of a brand new car, even if it was – whisper it quietly – engineered and designed at the behest of the firm’s Chinese owners. Yes, I know that quite a bit of the development work for the new range of MGs was done in the West Midlands, but the result still – visually at least – feels more Peking Duck than Yorkshire Pudding.

I’d love to be able to let you know definitively if you should cancel that Ford Focus order after all and rush out and get a new MG, but the sales figures suggest that the worthy-but-bland range of hatches and saloons just isn’t doing for us Brits. The most stats reveal that just 384 of you treated yourselves to a new MG, and that’s the figure for the whole of the UK. Compared to this time last year, sales are down 44%.

While the MG6 and MG3 might divide opinion among the motoring press – and I have read lots of favourable reviews, so this isn't just about cheap MG bashing – for whatever reason they just aren't cutting it with the great British public. 

Where, chaps, is the successor to the MG TF? Abingdon’s most famous automotive export – for all the turbocharged Maestros and Metro rally cars – is about keeping it simple, dropping the top and enjoying the sunshine for not much outlay. China, as we know, is the world’s fastest emerging superpower and MG’s owner, the Shanghai Automotive Industry Corporation, is state-owned. Surely it has a few quid to chuck at designing a proper MG, which people might actually buy?

While I've no doubt the current range isn't THAT bad, MG deserves to do so much better. A brand that gets just about everyone nostalgic, a world that’s no longer too credit-crunched to buy into it and the state funding of an Asian superpower to make it happen.

A properly marketed, cheap, simple sports car is the MG we all want, but until then I'll have to contend myself with finally blagging my way into an MG6.

Watch this space…

What's it like to drive a Rolls-Royce?

IT WAS a curious conclusion to reach. The best car in the world was a strangely underwhelming one.

There are certain cherries, if you love driving cars, you’ve just got to pop. Burying the throttle on a REALLY powerful car on a private track, for instance – take a bow, Jaguar XKR-S – is one of them, and unleashing an Aston Martin for the first time is another. It’s also true that, as much as I love getting to the nitty gritty of whether the latest supermini is or isn’t worth your hard earned cash, I’m still waiting to fulfil that schoolboy fantasy of getting behind the wheel of Ferrari.

That’s why I had a certain giddy sense of expectation about driving a Rolls-Royce for the first time.

There’s a lot to be said for Crewe’s missiles. It’s true, for instance, that almost every Rolls-Royce is best experienced from the rear, but that’s a goal anyone who makes it to the church on time or the Northern English standup comedy circuit can experience. For me, the real fun was to be had by heading up to the bridge, and setting a course through the countryside in two tonnes of Silver Shadow.

Did I like it? Definitely. Would I, if I were to become Peter Kay’s more successful protégé, like to buy one? Not even slightly, largely because I’d be forever feeling sorry for the chauffeur.

The Rolls-Royce has a dignified lollop to the way it devours straights (well it would, with a 6.2 litre V8 stationed in the drawing room up front) but if so much as suggest a corner it goes all to pieces. In this sense at least, the Roller lives up to its name – if you’re playing at being a Middle East dictator in the rear seats, the feeling of it floating into a corner isn’t especially pleasant, but from the captain’s chair it’s actually verging on frightening.

That said, there is something to be said about having the Spirit of Ecstasy proudly protruding from your bonnet – especially if, like me, you want to indulge your Thunderbirds fixation – and the quality of craftsmanship on what is after all a forty-odd-year-old car buts modern Mercs to shame.

A modern day Rolls-Royce, of course, would feel completely different, but to be bluntly honest my first experience of the name synonymous with motoring perfection – the wedding trade’s chariot of choice – didn’t exactly float my motoring boat.

 The best car in the world? That’ll be the Jaguar XJ, then.

Alpina D3 - the diesel saloon to outrun a sports car with

A car claimed to be the world’s fastest production diesel has just been launched in the UK.

The Alpina D3 Bi-Turbo, to give it its full name, might look to casual observers like a BMW 3-Series but this tuned and turbocharged saloon and estate – which has been BMW’s full official backing – pumps out 350bhp. Despite being powered by a turbodiesel engine it can get from 0-60mph in 4.6 seconds before reaching a top speed of 173mph, meaning it can outrun most of today’s hot hatches and sports cars.

The D3 Bi-Turbo is available as either a saloon for £46,950 or as the Touring estate version for three grand extra. Despite being classed as a car manufacturer in its own right, the Alpina is available through BMW’s dealer network, with a full BMW warranty.

Find out more at the Alpina BMW website.

A new arrival on the Life On Cars fleet!

A full flotilla of electric windows, heated leather seats, cruise control, a heated front windscreen and a stereo that swallows six CDs at any given moment.

That's the sort of specification that would've made an early Lexus owner a little envious, and that's before I get to the electrically adjustable seats, the electric sunroof and air conditioning that leaves you cooler than Steve McQueen on a skiing trip. It also comes with plenty in the way of mid-range whallop from beneath the bonnet, and a dynamism that'll make a BMW owner blush (even though they'd never to admit to it).

Welcome to the club class world of the Ford Mondeo 2.0 Ghia X. Specifically, the one I've just bought. For a grand.

Why have I gone for a Blue Oval badged family saloon, particularly when I'm not a family man? Firstly, because the car that's been my everyday wheels of choice - my Rover 214SEI - is approaching the end of its life as a useful commuting tool. It's been a fine companion and I've grown to love its easygoing vibe, its tasteful half leather seats and plastiwood trim, and its utter refusal to break down, even in a snowdrift in deepest Cumbria. But ever since my offices moved from Southport to Peterborough and my new place of residence became the outside lane of the A1, this £300, 17-year-old slice of Anglo-Japanese engineering has been operating beyond its brief.

What I really needed, I figured, was something with oomph sufficient to deal with all the motorway work I've been assigned of late. A task the Mondeo was born to tackle.

My particular car might have done more than 100,000 miles in its dozen summers of existence, but it's also been serviced on the dot by the only owner it's had from new, and had every worn component replaced with a near religious devotion to reliability. As a result, it actually feels tighter than some cars I've driven with half the mileage.

More importantly - and to revisit something I wrote earlier this year - everyone I know who really knows their stuff on cars rates the Mondeo. The Great British Public might have moved to the Nissan Juke at one end and the 3-Series BMW on the other, leaving the Ford favourite lingering in a sales figures no man's land, but every Mondeo has always demonstrated that family cars can be finely balanced things which revel in a good corner or two. A finely balanced thing which, by the way, comes with absolutely every gadget you could possibly want - most of which are expensive extras in a BMW 320i.

So was I right to opt for a Ford as the Rover's eventual successor? Is it a belting saloon car bargain? Or have I bought a 12-year-old, 108,000 mile breakdown catastophe just waiting to happen?

Watch this space...

Qoros to launch new saloon at Geneva

ANYONE remember our exclusive piece on the talented designer from Merseyside who landed a job helping a Chinese firm to create its latest cars?

Well, this is that company's first European model - the Qoros 3 saloon, which is being officially launched at the Geneva Motor Show next month.  The company hasn't given much indication of how much involvement Alex O'Brien, from Thornton, has had in the design, but did say it's the first in a series of a models which will draw on young automotive talent from across the globe.

A spokesperson for the company said: "The new range of Qoros models is being designed and engineered by an international team of experienced specialists and new, young automotive talent, and has been developed with the support of internationally-renowned suppliers.

"Rapid expansion of the model range will be achieved thanks to an innovative modular vehicle architecture developed in-house at Qoros.  The clean, elegant styling direction – drawing heavily on contemporary European themes – has been developed to give all Qoros models an unmistakable brand identity."

Qoros, which is based in  Changshu, China but already has several facilities both over there and in Europe, says it is keen to launch a new model every six months.

For what it's worth I reckon it's not a bad looking car, and definitely better than its Chinese counterpart, the  Geely Emgrand EC7 which completely failed to win me over this time last year. What do you think?

Is this the best looking saloon on sale today?

IN THE classic gangster film Get Carter, the villains drove a Jag MK2. In The Long Good Friday, the vehicle of choice was an XJ6.

This automotive star of this year's gangster film - The Sweeney - was a Jaguar XF. Having clocked one parked up in a Southport side street today, it's not hard to see why.

I've already driven the 2.2 diesel version of the Brit saloon and can tell you that from a driver's perspective it's excellent; one of the best new cars I've tried this year, in fact. But what I could see from the Stratus Grey example I saw, with its understated alloys and meshed grille, was that it looked the part too. In cinematic terms, it's exactly the sort of quietly menacing motor an assasin would drive.

Until this year I would've argued the best looking Jag is in fact the big XJ - there's something about the challenging styling, which stands out next to all the other luxobarges, that I love - but now I reckon the smaller XF's caught up with it. After being wowed by the stunning C-XF concept car of all those years ago, I know I wasn't the only one to be a bit dissapointed with the production version that followed - far too much in the way of gloopy headlights and not enough in the way of visual treats.

The facelifted version, though? That really is a treat for the eyes.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say it's the best looking saloon on sale today. Better than a Maserati Quattroporte or a Merc CLS? I'd reckon so...

Fire up the... Suzuki Kizashi (UK version)

PART of the problem with new cars these days is that what you see isn't usually what you get. Unless you pay for it as an optional extra, that is.

It's one of the car industry's worst kept secrets that paying for life's little luxuries can add hundreds - sometimes even thousands - of pounds to the price of your pride and joy, but Suzuki is offering an intriguing alternative for anyone infuriated by the confusing, expensive and downright mind-boggling world of the options list.

Put simply, the Kizashi doesn't have one. There's no messing about with gadgets and gizmos on this one - it's £21,995, take it or leave it.

Nor, by the way, is this an accidental reprint of a roadtest that's already appeared in these pages. Life On Cars did get to drive the Kizashi earlier this year, but that was very much a test model to see whether us fussy Brit buyers would go for the idea of a Suzuki saloon, whereas this one is the finished product, subtly retrimmed and re-engineered with the UK's motorists in mind.

That original test version got the thumbs up because it offered buyers things they couldn't get elsewhere and it's much the same story here, with a package that offers saloon virtues without the sheer size of say, a Mondeo or an Insignia. More importantly, while Suzuki's thumbed through the options list on your behalf they've been quite generous with it - the Kizashi's got full leather trim, plenty of toys up front to keep you entertained when you're not pressing on, and a 178bhp, four cylinder petrol engine when you are.

Yet I'd raise the biggest eyebrow of all at the transmission, because unlike just about any other saloon of its size you can press a button and a four wheel drive system comes to life, which should come in handy if you live off your local council's gritting routes. It's mated to a CVT automatic gearbox, and while you can change gear manually using paddles on the steering column, Schumacher-style, the car's character suits leaving it in auto and letting the technology do the hard bit.

The Kizashi then, is the perfect car for people who don't really like cars very much. If you're looking for a no-nonsense package which will get you where you need to be, in all weathers, take a look at one of the 500 Suzuki's planning on shipping over.

Fire up the... Jaguar XF 2.2D

FIGURES. There were all sorts of fantastic ones involved with the Jaguar XKR-S I drove recently but with this rather more realistic big cat just one matters - 133.9. The going price, in pennies, for petrol at the moment.

That's why any executive car maker worth their salt has got to have a decent diesel at its disposal, because while the slippery stuff costs a little bit more you get an awful lot more for your gallon. Look through the sales figures of any swish saloon and it's no longer the silky straight sixes and the thumping V8s that are the big sellers. It's the ones you fill up with the black pump.

Jaguar's been lucky to have a superb diesel - the 2.7 litre, Citroen-derived V6 - to call on in recent years but it's this smaller, 2.2 litre unit that really matters for the XF. Finally, more than four years after the saloon's introduction, it's got an engine that can actually hit the 5-Series, the A6 and the E-Classs where it hurts. The 2.2 XF diesel could and should be the firm's biggest seller.

The improvements aren't just limited to the engine room, either; you might have noticed the XF got a facelift last year, meaning the slightly-clumsy headlights are gone in place of some much sharper, XJ-style ones. I can think of few cars whose looks actually improve after the now compulsory midlife makeover, but the XF's one of them.

Anyone venturing inside won't find the church pew dashboards and acres of cream leather you got in this car's ancestors but what you get instead is Jaguarness with added modernity. The way the rotating gear selector for the slick eight-speed auto rises out of the centre console, for instance, is very Gadget Show, but the use of wood, leather and tech make the cabin infinitely more interesting than the wall-to-wall black leather you'll get in BMW's 5-Series.

 So would you buy one over the Beemer? Both cost £30,000, both will prove cosseting and comfy companions and both come with all the toys any thrusting middle-management type demands, but it depends on what you're looking for. The BMW, by a whisker, is the more refined of the two and will go ever so slightly further on a gallon, but the Jag's better looking, more characterful and more fun when it strays off its natural habitat of the motorway's outside lane.

I'd take the Jag.

I think I might have found the worst car in the world

I THINK, after years of looking, that I've found the worst car in the world.

It is - drumroll please - a Peugeot 407 I borrowed the other day, which I entrusted with the task of getting me to Ormskirk and back on the hunt for a story for our West Lancashire edition. Note, by the way that it's  a specific 407 rather than the breed as a whole, because I'm convinced other examples would be capable, if not astonishingly brilliant, Mondeo-baters.

Nor is this a dig against Peugeots because, by and large, the company's upped its game in recent years. The RC-Z coupe might lack a little involvement when you really chuck into a corner on a challenging road, but well-made, sensibly-priced and utterly wonderful to look at. The 508 - the 407's successor - is arguably the best of the repmobiles right now. True, I haven't driven the new 3-Series yet but right now it's the Pug that's got the measure of the Mondeo and the Insignia.

No, this particular 407 was bad because while the clock read 79,000 miles, it might as well have done 79 million, because it showed what an excess of miles and lack of love can do to even the most modern of motors. Funnily, there does seem to be a correlation between cars which have been ragged to within an inch of their lives and the Peugeot badge. I don't know why, but there just is.

The seven-year-old example sounded... well, it sounded a bit sick. The dashboard lit up like a disco with all the warning lights, a soundtrack of warning bongs and beeps provided the accompanying soundtrack and the key actually broke while I was trying to start it. It also came with a great radio - Radio One, which you couldn't turn off, or even turn down because the audio controls were broken. Not that the din of Chris Moyles bothered me much, because he was drowned out by a diesel engine which rattled like something you'd find fitted to a Ukranian trawler.

If it's any conselation it was at least comfy, spacious, sipped fuel with all the frugality of a budget-strapped Cabinet minister and - unlike quite a few cars I've owned - it did at least make its destination without breaking down. It's also probably a bit unfair to blame the car itself for being a bit battle-weary, but it provide a profound insight into what can happen to a car years after it's rolled out of the showroom.

It's also handy, if you're always driving cars that are at the very least quite good - as brand new motors usually are these days - to drive a really, really bad one once in a while. It gives you a sense of perspective.

A Volvo to be proud of

IT'S always nice to see a classic car being used by its owners for everyday chores, particularly if it's one as clean and cherished as this beautiful '65 Volvo.

This sober Swedish saloon - which I think is a 121 Amazon, although I could be wrong - is a brilliant example of what Volvos used to look like before their designers discoverd Etch-a-Sketch had been invented, and arguably you can see influences of it in today's rather sleeker and sportier offerings, including the latest V40.

If you own this classic Volvo by all means get in touch - I'd love to know more about it. I'm sad to admit it, but it made my lunch break seeing it on a Southport street otherwise packed with Astras and old Escorts.

Can you guess this smartly styled saloon?

THE sharply-crafted snout suggests a new BMW. The way the chrome-lipped windows meet the waistline has more than a hint of Lexus. And you’d be forgiven for mistaking that pert rear end for an Audi A5‘s.

But, believe it or not, this new arrival isn’t a BMW, Merc, Audi, Lexus or Jag. Despite having all the hallmarks of the luxury car establishment, this executive car contender comes from rather humbler origins.

It is a Kia.

The K9 - stop sniggering, Doctor Who fans - is the Korean company’s first ever rear-wheel-drive car, and while it’s obvious to see what they’ve been inspired by it also shows just how confident the firm’s become in recent years.

Mr Soon-Nam Lee, Director of Kia’s Overseas Marketing Group, said: “K9 is our first rear-wheel drive sedan, created without compromise in its design, driving performance and new technologies.

“K9 sets a whole new level of standards and values in the large sedan segment, and its design will be another Kia demonstration of our brand’s power to surprise.”

It’s just a shame that while the company’s clearly feeling confident it’s not yet ballsy enough to bring it to us Brits, who are some of the most notoriously brand-obsessed car buyers anywhere in the world. While I’ve no doubt Kia will sell shedloads of K9s in its home markets, how would it perform in a nation where the BMW 3-Series now outsells the Ford Mondeo?


While there aren’t any plans to sell the K9 anywhere in Europe, it does prove one thing. Never let it be said that the Korean car industry can’t come up with a good looking car!

Life is F.A.B if you can afford to customise a Rolls-Royce Ghost

RUMOURS that Lady Penelope - International Rescue's chief representative in the UK - has returned to Rolls-Royce's showrooms have yet to be confirmed.

However, judging by these new images of the company's latest customised model, the Rose Quartz Ghost, it shouldn't be too long before TV fans are treated to a new series of the iconic Sixties action show Thunderbirds.


Torsten Müller-Ötvös, Rolls-Royce CEO, said of the company's new customisation programme:

“It is always our goal to exceed our clients’ highest expectations and fulfill their innermost desires.

"With highly bespoke Phantom and Ghost models, we are able to achieve this. The passion with which our bespoke craftspeople create these beautiful cars is reflected in some truly outstanding examples delivered across the globe last year."


Lady Penelope, of course, was famed for using a pink Rolls Royce in the original Gerry Anderson series, although for the 2004 movie adaptation she switched her loyalties to Ford, using a model based largely on the company's Thunderbird convertible.

Could the Geely Emgrand EC7 be 2012's most boring car?

FORGET counting sheep, slurping cups of hot chocolate and coaxing yourself into warm baths. The cure for insomnia now comes in handy automotive form.

I am, for all sorts of reasons, someone who can't drift off easily, spending the small hours of the morning wondering why everyone else is snoring away. However, I'm hoping that by sticking a poster of the new Geely on my bedroom wall that I'll be granted an express season ticket to The Land of Nod.

The Emgrand EC7 will be the Chinese carmaker's first UK offering when it arrives later this year, and while I haven't driven one I'm sure there's plenty going for it. It does, for instance, offer you a roomy four-door saloon at the £10,000 entry price for most superminis, along with a five year, 100,000 mile warranty and generous equipment levels. It might even be fantastically good fun to drive.

But I can't see myself joining the queue of potential buyers because it is - for want of a better word - boring. It is about as memorable as a cloud on a cloudy day or a witticism delivered from the lips of Iain Duncan Smith. Aesthetically - and remember, lots of people do buy cars on the way they look - it is just a grey shape on some alloy wheels, livened up only by a styling slash in the front doors. I've been looking at a picture of one for most of the past week, and I still can't remember what it looks like.

I can see the Geely selling strongly, but to boring people who “only buy a car because they want something that'll get from A to B”, which is motoring shorthand for “I couldn't be bothered to check anything else out”. You know who you are.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be one of those people with a downer on anything Oriental who begins every dinner party conversation with the words “I don't want to sound racist, but...”. There are all sorts of interesting cars which come from the Far East, like the Toyota IQ, the Hyundai Coupe, the Honda Jazz and the Suzuki Kizashi.

It's just that the Emgrand isn't one of them.

Fire up the... Suzuki Kizashi

THERE is, thanks to mankind's obsession with pigeonholing absolutely everything, a distinct heirachy when it comes to buying a new car.

Whether it's the new Mclaren at the very top end of the motoring marketplace, or the parsimonious Nissan Pixo at the bottom, everything is divided up into convenient classes and segments, so that any particular car is roughly the same size and shape as the ones it's competing against. Anything that breaks the rules just confuses Britain's notoriously fussy buyers.

So can Suzuki's Kizashi, which the Japanese are considering bringing to our shores, carve a niche? It is, after all, an unusual prospect; a Mondeo-style saloon that's smaller than a Mondeo, or an Insignia, or indeed any of the mid-range repmobiles usually found lurking on the outside lanes of Britain's motorways. It honestly could go either way, being either usefully smaller when it comes to parking and navigating the urban jungle, or not as capacious when you call on it to be a cargo freighter. Whatever you make of it, it's a bit bigger than, say, Volkswagen's Jetta but not quite the full Passat.

What it does do though is a passable impression of Doctor Who's TARDIS, because while its smaller exterior does translate into an air of agility from behind the wheel, your passengers in the back seats will swear they've stepped into a larger car. The interior might be a little darker than I'd like, thanks to the black materials used throughout, but boy is it spacious.

It also carries off the clever trick of looking a bit like every other contemporary saloon you've clapped eyes on - the front's got a hint of Golf to it, and the side profile a hint of Mondeo, but again that's not a bad thing.

Expect to pay £21,995 for the automatic, four-wheel-drive version they're bringing to this country's roads, and while I can't see it wiping out the Mondeo's dominance there's definitely a gap in the marketplace for this kind of car.

If you're looking for a sturdy saloon which is a smidgen smaller than the rest of the pack, go and start pestering your local dealer for it.

Fire up the... Vauxhall Insignia VXR

THERE was a cracking piece in The Champion a couple of weeks ago about a man who used to keep a lion in his back garden every night.

Admittedly he did work for Southport Zoo but he still must be one of the few prepared to put up with a hard-earned reputation as one of the world's most ferocious and powerful predators, in a world where most people would opt for a slightly tamer tabby as a pet. It's exactly the same scenario with the Vauxhall VXR8 I tested earlier this year. I absolutely loved the growl from its V8 engine and its leopard-like talent for sheer speed, but it's a beast I'd struggle to own. It really is using a nuclear warhead to crack a nut.

Vauxhall however realise this and have just the thing for speed freaks grounded in reality, in the sleek shape of the Insignia VXR. As nutcrackers go this is one I doubt you'll be dissappointed with; it really is one of the world's great ground coverers.

Take the VXR8 out for a spin and it feels as though it's constantly on the verge of exploding into a surge of shotgun acceleration, which is exciting when you're in the mood for it but I'd imagine would start to grate slightly on the Monday morning commute. The Insignia's 2.8 V6 is much better, being docile and quiet enough for everyday jobs but you always know that you've no less than 325bhp at your disposal, ready to deploy at the slightest twitch of the right foot. It's particularly handy on motorways, where it'll effortlessly cruise for miles at a time.

But where the range-topping Insignia really shines is when you hunker down into its bucket seats and set if off along a twisty country road, where its four wheel drive and the composure of its chassis really starts to shine. For such a big car it really is a delight to drive, and with plenty of room and gizmos insides it's unlikely your passengers are going to start complaining.

You might think the VXR's £36,000 is its biggest problem but in fact it's its styling; the Insignia is a finely styled saloon, but somehow I can't help thinking the VXR cosmetics make it look like it was made by Nike rather than Vauxhall. Park it up next to say, a Jag XF and it's knocked for six in terms of style and prestige.

But you would have said the same thing about the Lotus Carlton twenty years ago, a car that's gone onto become a classic on account of its ability to effortlessly devour any road it comes across in a way which puts a huge smile on your face.

The Insignia VXR follows in that noble tradition, which is why I'd have one over its cartoonish big brother any day.