Desire is brilliant, but what about the F-Type?

ANYONE remember that Peugeot 406 advert from absolutely ages ago?

You'll know the one I mean. A girl in the path of an oncoming lorry gets saved from certain death, M People's soultastic hit Search for the Hero gets belted out in the background, and there's lots of money shots of France's favourite repmobile to establish it's - to reuse Peugeot's wonderfully awful slogan - the drive of your life. Even though it hasn't been aired in an ad break since about 1996, it's up there with Bob Hoskins telling us it's good to talk and three frogs belching out the name of a light beer for sticking around in the old grey matter.

As for car adverts, there's only two others I can actually recall out of the thousands I must have seen over the years - the VW Golf ad responsible for getting my favourite song to number one in the charts (The Bluebells' Young At Heart, if you're intetested), and Vauxhall's efforts to make the 1997 Astra the star of a sort of automotive Apocalypse Now. That's it.

Jaguar, however, has now decided to take the art of car adverts to a whole new level; for the new F-Type a minute-and-a-bit of Britpop and a clever catchphrase wasn't enough. So they sent Ridley Scott, Damian Lewis and their new sports car to the Atacama Desert in Chile not to make an advert, but a movie instead.

 

Desire, the 13 minute short film they came up with, is surprisingy watchable even if you aren't a petrolhead - think Quantum of Solace crossed with trippy Seventies car chase hit Vanishing Point and you won't be too far off. Without wanting to ruin the plot, Damian Lewis plays a suave, Bond-esque delivery driver who has to deliver a new F-Type, but finds himself having to fight off would-be assasins and the searing desert heat.

The only problem is that, for all the Gladiator guru's best efforts, you're always aware at the back of your mind that Desire is an extended car advert, and that poor Damian always plays second to the car itself. There's one scene where he crams the cars Top Trumps specs into a conversation he's having with a gun-toting gangster - something I can't imagine 007 or Jason Bourne doing any time soon. I applaud Jaguar for pushing the boundaries with what's possible, but I can't help feel it might have been better off getting Ridley and Damian to do a sequel to Bladerunner instead.

Desire is, in its own right, a brilliant bit of automotive artwork, but it doesn't answer the biggest question everybody has about the F-Type. What's it like to drive?

Future classics - my top ten tips

SUPPOSE you’ve got motoring’s equivalent of Mystic Meg’s crystal ball. What do you reckon it’d reveal as being the classic car stars of tomorrow?

One of the most fascinating pieces I’ve written for Classic Car Weekly so far is a rundown of what the secondhand experts at CAP have chosen as their candidates for automotive investments, which is as intriguing for what didn’t make the cut as the 20 modern motors which did. Everyone’s got their opinion as to what’ll be the stars of shows up and down the land in 10 or 15 years’ time, and with the article done and dusted I can finally get a few of my own favourites off my chest...

1) MAZDA MX-5 (1989 – 1998) The fact no less than four of the Classic Car Weekly team have owned one – including Yours Truly – speaks volumes about this ultra-reliable, ultra-fun and, for the time being at least, ultra-cheap rear-drive ragtop. Consider my shoes eaten if this isn’t a mainstay of the classic movement in 15 years time.

 2) PEUGEOT 106 GTI/RALLYE (1997 – 2004)Brilliant fun, perfectly packaged and already becoming increasingly sought after by hot hatch hunters. In fact, it’s looking increasingly likely the MX-5-shaped void in my life might get filled by a 106 GTI. Should I? Shouldn’t I?

3) ROVER 75 (1999 - 2005) I’ve already written that Rover’s swansong is tomorrow’s P6, and I still reckon a well-looked example – or its sportier sister, the MG ZT – is as cheap as it’s ever going to be. There’s plenty on offer right now for under a grand, but give it a decade and good examples of these gentle giants will be sought after.

4) FORD RACING PUMA (2000) You could argue the little Puma is tomorrow’s Capri, in which case this is the ultra-rare Tickford (in fact, just like its turbocharged Capri ancestor, the Racing Puma is a Tickford creation). Prices are already much higher than the standard Pumas, but with the rarity of the Racing Puma and the loyal following it’s already attracting, there’s only one way prices will go.

5) RENAULT WIND (2010 - 2011)  I might have enjoyed the French firm’s Twingo-based two seater when it was new but the Great British Public didn’t, so while it’s a bit of a flop now its rarity should count in its favour. Quirky styling and fantastically simple flipping metal roof are bonus points on a car that, even now, you don’t see every day.

6) PEUGEOT 406 COUPE (1997 - 2004)Italian styling house Pininfarina worked wonders with the Parisian repmobile favourite to create a striking beautiful coupe. Best spec is the 3.0 V6 but 2.2 HDi versions are already proving popular with fuel-conscious enthusiasts.

7) FIAT COUPE 20V TURBO (1995 - 2000)As above, but with added Italian flair and loopy amounts of punch from the five-cylinder turbo beneath the bonnet. Any car that manages to make Fiat Tipo underpinnings look this good has got to be in with a shout.

 8) SUBARU IMPREZA TURBO (1994 - 2000) The original, four-door versions of the Scooby Pretzel are cheap now – you can, if you look carefully, pick them up for less than £1,500 – but it won’t be long before they’re being coveted as classics. Escort RS2000s, remember, were cheap and plentiful a long time ago...

9) BMW 8-SERIES (1990 - 1999) CAP’s list included no less than three BMWs, but they missed out this one, which price-wise is where the original 6-Series was 15 years ago. Not that I could afford to run around in a secondhand 850CSi, of course.

10) VOLKSWAGEN POLO G40 (1990 - 1994)  Only 600 imported into the UK originally and they’re rare, characterful pocket rockets now. Worth seeking one out for the addictive whine the supercharger makes. Plus, they go like stink.

Feel free, however, to disagree...

The full feature on CAP’s tips for future classic investments can be found in this week’s edition of Classic Car Weekly, published Wednesday, April 24.

VW Golf GTD - a Genuinely Tantalising Diesel?

IF you’re the sort of driver who wants hot hatch thrills without the annoyingly frequent stops to fill up then this new Golf could be a great contender for your cash.

VW are wryly saying the GTD badge on this latest version stands for Genuinely Tantalising Diesel and it’s easy to see where they’re coming from, because this £25,285 model offers up the same sort of punch and poise as its petrol-fuelled GTI cousin, but with an extra helping of economy thanks to it using a 2.0 litre turbodiesel engine.

Admittedly it’s not as fast as a Golf GTI – the dash from 0 to 60mph takes a second longer and the top speed is 142mph to the GTI’s 153mph – but you get more torque for when you’re overtaking, and more miles for your gallon when you’re not. Go-faster family hatches which fill up at the black pumps aren't exactly a new idea either - VW's sister brand Skoda, in particular, has carved itself a bit of niche when its Fabia vRS intially came along as an exclusively diesel-propelled pocket rocket.

With petrol prices forever threatening to surge past £1.40 a litre the torquey thump you get with diesels is becoming ever more tempting. Sure, you won't get the soundtrack or the rev-happy playfulness of the GTI, but you get mid-range wallop and the smugness of knowing you're winning on the economy front.

The Golf GTD, which commands a £310 premium over its predecessor, arrives in the UK later this year but is available to order now. Go to VW’s website at www.volkswagen.co.uk if you’re a grown-up boy racer frustrated by spiralling fuel prices.

Life On Cars changes gear

YOU don't have to be particularly eagle-eyed to spot that Life On Cars has been treated to a bit of a revamp.

What you might not know, however, is that Sefton and West Lancashire's favourite motoring blog has looked largely the same since November 2010, when I gave it a bit of a facelift to bring into the line with the various shades of blue that make up the house colours at The Champion.

You can, of course, still catch up with the printed column in the eight editions of the newspaper every Wednesday, but with all the other changes it only seemed right to give the blog a bit of a sprucing up, including bringing in a bit of red - oh all right, a lot of red - to match Classic Car Weekly and its equally scarlet logo.

But while the colour's changed and some of the pictures and stories might come from a little further afield, with CCW being a publication with national reach, the anecdotes of automotive misfortune, the tips for events in the North West and all the other things Life On Cars covers will continue.

So while you'll be seeing red with the artwork, hopefully you won't be seeing red with any of the articles!

Read more of David's motoring stories - including a full page report on his MGB GT - in the latest edition of Classic Car Weekly (published Wednesday, April 17).

Satnav Lady didn't do my laundry, but she did get me lost again

CHEAP washing machines have all but killed off the great British laundrette. That’s one of the conclusions I’ve drawn after an evening rediscovering the joys of satnav.

The impending drama of having to deal with an ever-increasing pile of dirty laundry prompted a drive pretty much the polar opposite of the ones I enjoy – instead of being given the chance to tackle the Buttertubs Pass in a hot hatch on a heady summer afternoon, I needed to navigate the mean streets of Peterborough, at rush hour. My motoring mission? Find, because I’ve yet to invest in a washing machine for Cambridgeshire home from home, a laundrette.

Normally, I navigate using my finely honed pub-based system but anyone familiar with Cambridgeshire’s contribution to the New Town initiative will know you can’t use quaint buildings called The Dog and Gun or The Golden Lion as pointers. Peterborough, not unlike Skelmersdale, is a confusing maze of roundabouts, slip roads and dual carriageways.

Out then, came the satnav app on my smartphone as my sole means of navigation to obscure postcodes which – according to a quick search on Google five minutes before I’d set off – contained the answers to my clothing cleaning conumdrum. It’s just a shame I’d forgotten why I don’t use satnav.

It’s useless.

At least twice Satnav Lady, whose slightly robotic voice leads to the presumption she’s the daughter of that equally synthesised woman who haunted Austin Maestro owners all those years ago, guided me off a dual carriageway, through a village for five minutes, before spitting me back out onto the same stretch of road. More worryingly, she would tell me exactly which turning I needed to take off the roundabout.... at pretty much exactly the point I’d start to power past it. Even an Audi Quattro, I’m almost certain, can’t corner that abruptly!

Half an hour into my ten minute journey, Satnav Lady proudly announces we’ve arrived at our destination – a grim looking suburban street where once, a long time ago, there proudly stood a laundrette. Mary Portas might curse the out-of-town shopping centre for killing off the high street, but I’m cursing Zanussi and Hotpoint for killing off the laundrette I’d spent so long looking for.

That’s why a drive around Peterborough, not at all distracted by Satnav Lady, turned into a drive around Peterborough where I wasn’t at all distracted by inspecting every shopfront for miles around to see if any of them were laundrettes. I discovered that Peterborough is home to the factory that makes Perkins diesel engines, IKEA’s distribution centre, and the strangest looking branch of Pizza Hut I’ve ever seen.

But, thanks to the combined efforts of a booming white goods industry and Satnav Lady’s hopelessness, I still haven’t found a laundrette.

David Simister is now saving up for a washing machine

So you want a secondhand supermini...

AN OBSERVATION about first cars. All the sensible people I know, having chucked away their L-plates, go for something sensible that’ll start up first thing on a frosty morning. The petrolheads don’t. 

There’s a lot to be said for making for your first car an automotive adventure in itself, which is why my first car was a 1983 Mini. Despite being held together largely with gaffer tape and string I loved driving it but even I’ll concede it wasn’t exactly an everyday car, because every day was a new and exciting way for it to entertain you with a breakdown. Whisper it softly, but during my first stint as a reporter in North Wales my “everyday car” was a borrowed Vauxhall Corsa! 

So I understood completely when a friend asked for a few car buying suggestions, not on some crusty old Sixties sports car, but a sensible, cheap secondhand supermini that’d actually be capable of getting her and her clobber up to a new job in Northumberland. She also bought a Mini as her first car, and while she’d rather sell her right arm than her pride ‘n’ joy I can understand why she’d want a more sensible automotive sidekick for the long trips to the North East. 

There’s plenty on offer - even in these days of spiralling insurance, it’s still possible to buy, insure and tax a decent set of wheels for less than a grand – but if it were my money I’d be looking at Peugeot’s 306, VW’s Lupo, Skoda’s Fabia and the earlier, funkier versions of Toyota’s Yaris. They’re all usefully younger than my trusty old Rover, should eake out a few more miles to the gallon and – by virtue of being younger – have plenty of life left in them. The Peugeot, in particular, would offer you more smiles per gallon too because it’s always been a fine handler – perfect if your other car’s an old Mini and you’ve got some Northumbrian country roads to play with. 

But, when it came down to sealing the deal, it wasn’t a 306 she went for, or a Yaris, Fabia or Lupo for that matter. In fact, she’d gone for the supermini you can pick up for buttons these days because everybody owned one and as a result there’s still millions to choose from. The supermini I’ve driven on countless occasions and always secretly enjoyed because it rides and handles so well. The supermini, in fact, that I passed my driving test in and which – had I not decided to go for that infernal Mini – probably would’ve been my first car. 

The supermini I’d completely forgotten about. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Ford Fiesta!

Citroën joins the off-roader party

Citroën's DS-branded line of luxury models is about to be joined by an off-roader, if this sveltly styled concept car is anything to go by.

I'm already a bit of a fan of the French firm's upmarket offerings - the rapid DS3 Racing in particular - but this latest offering, which will be officially unveiled at the Shanghai Motor Show, suggests the company is looking at grabbing a slice of the SUV cake too.

What the exact production version looks like, how much it costs and what'll it be like to drive remain as jobs for Citroën to sort out in the fullness of time, but there are one or two things I'm already sure of. Firstly, that - unlike the BMW X4 unveiled last week - it looks fabulous, although the company's claim it's got "a hynoptic stare" is just a tiny bit fatuous.

More importantly, it would be impossible for the company to make it worse than the last Citroën off-roader, the godawful C-Crosser.

Say bonjour, then, to the Citroën DS Wild Rubis...

The Jaguar XK150 is a wonderful passport to 1950s Britain

DRESS up smartly and stick on some sepia-tinted shades, because this week's column comes from the 1950s. I'd tell you to stick your seatbelts on too, but I can't because Jaguar's XK150 doesn't have any.

This week's automotive adventure was supposed to be all about driving an E-Type for the first time, but it isn't because it was actually its older brother which left a far greater impression. The setting is the stunning scenery of the New Forest, where as part of an assignment for Classic Car Weekly we've unleashed three big cats - an E-Type, an XK150 Roadster and a Daimler Double Six, which are all going under the hammer at the Barons Jaguar Heritage Auction this weekend - for a feature.

It is, on the face of it, a windswept moor on a ruddy cold April afternoon, but as soon as I thumbed the XK's starter button, heard that wonderful straight six burst into life and set off I was no longer in a hugely expensive, left hand drive car that isn't mine.

I was in the late 1950s, driving one of the world's fastest and most beautiful sports cars through a bit of Britain unspoilt by speed cameras and people in Nissan Micras. A time when you could legally nail the XK's throttle and turn the countryside into a green blur as you darted along winding lanes between quaint villages full of smiling bobbies on bicycles. A time when people appreciated the XK's finely sculpted lines and the bark of its exhaust note. What the pictures from my first assignment of being a classic car scribe is just unbelievably cold the New Forest was, or that in the absence of Gatso cameras I had some 1950s-style hazards to contend with instead - whenever a cow or a pony decided to wander into the road I was glad it’s these particular Jags which popularized disc brakes!

But I didn’t care, because even with an E-Type and a V12-engined drawing room on wheels competing for my automotive affections it was the XK150 I fell just a little bit in love with. The view down the Jag's bonnet as its curves flowed out into the countryside ahead is something I'll never forget.

In reality it's 2013 of course, and we live in a very different Britain where the Golf BlueMotion we used as the camera car outdid the XK at just about everything. No prizes for guessing which one I'm saving up for, though.

Read the full feature about the Jaguars and more from David Simister in the latest edition of Classic Car Weekly. If you have a motoring story for him call 01733 468847.

The BMW X4 just isn't a proper off-roader

THEY don’t make ‘em like they used to. It’s probably the most overused cliché in the classic car book, but in the case of one off-road encounter last weekend it’s definitely true.

The car in question was an old Land Rover – specifically, a 1969 Series IIA of the ex-military variety – which I encountered at a garage in Lancashire, which I couldn’t help but swoon over just slightly. When you’ve been raised around old Range Rovers and brought up to believe anything vaguely old from Lode Lane is cool, you can’t help it.

At least one mate of mine (you know who you are) just doesn’t get my fascination with old off-roaders but the great thing with old Land Rovers is they acquire a patina over decades which the new ones just don’t have. Whereas it’s right for someone with an MG or a Triumph to spend hours on end polishing their pride ‘n’ joy, a Series IIA without a thin coating of muck is like an Arctic explorer who doesn’t have a craggy face and a light helping of stubble. Yes, old off-roaders are slow and noisy and corner like ocean liners, but the important thing is that they’re hard as nails.

Or at least, they used to be, because when I got in that night I saw BMW’s latest take on the off-roader – the X4, which is a bit like an X6 and about as up for a spot of Arctic exploring as Gok Wan does. Yes, I know I drove an X3 last year and found it annoyingly brilliant, but deep down I’d still rather that old Series IIA be on my driveway.

Land Rover’s own 2013 offerings are still capable mudpluggers, of course, but judging by BMW’s evidence, at least, they definitely don’t make off-roaders like they used to.

Passion for Power Classic Motor Show 2013

YOU can check out everything from souped-up Minis to brand new McLaren supercars at a celebration of classic and performance cars taking place in Manchester this weekend.

The Passion for Power show at Event City, a stone's throw from the Trafford Centre, takes last year's North West Indoor Show, expands it by about a third, gives it a slightly more full-throttle flavour and then invites classic car clubs from right across the north of England to show off what they've got to thousands of enthusiasts.

Life On Cars took these pictures at the show today:

Passion For Power continues throughout tomorrow (April 7) at Event City, in Manchester.

More pictures and a full report on this weekend's show can be found in the next edition of Classic Car Weekly, published on Wednesday, April 10.

Electric shock for Renault over battery leasing quarrel

SUPPOSE for a moment, you’re on the verge of buying a secondhand Clio. It comes stashed with service history, it’s in great condition and mileage-wise it’s still got plenty of life left in it, but as you settle on the price it seems there’s a snag.

“Oh, you want the engine as well, sir?” the salesman enquires politely. “Sorry, you have to pay extra for that.”

Understandably, you’d be pretty miffed if you had to pay extra to have the privilege of having something to propel your pride and joy, and that’s exactly why used car gurus CAP have had a bit of a falling out with Renault lately. They’re refusing to give secondhand values for the French firm’s range of electric vehicles… …because anyone who buys one has to lease the batteries separately.

Martin Ward, CAP’s manufacturer relationship manager, said: “We have every confidence in the quality and reliability of the Renault Zoe. We have seen it, driven it, lived with it and its 90 mile range means it definitely has a place in fleets for shorter range driving purposes.

“But until Renault removes the unnecessary layer of complexity caused by treating the battery as a separate entity to the car CAP will be unable to forecast its used values so fleets can work out competitive lease rates. In our opinion it is now time for Renault to give some great electric vehicles they have worked hard to develop and refine a real chance in the company car market by abandoning its ‘battery not included’ policy.”

I’ve driven by far the quirkiest of Renault’s electric offerings, the two-seater Twizy, and stand by my original verdict that it’s brilliant. In fact, I loved it so much that – and I don’t do this often – seriously thought about buying one as a fun, frugal commuter car to go to work in, but it was the very fact you have to lease the batteries separately that put me off. I own a mobile phone, a tablet, and an MP3 player which all have batteries which I don’t have to lease. 

Why should it be any different with a battery-powered car?

Is the Citroen Xantia a classic car yet?

"DOES this count as a classic yet?"

Picture the scene. It's a still evening somewhere on the M3, and I'm driving a Golf BlueMotion back from an assignment in the New Forest with two fellow Classic Car Weekly writers on board. Inevitably the conversation turned to just what sort of classics the publication's new boy is into.

The ideal replacement classic - should I scrape together the funds to fill the MX-5-shaped hole in my life - is a surprisingly tall order. I get the aesthetics and the character that makes a classic car so appealing, but I'm also so butterfingered with screwdrivers and hamfisted with spanners that any frail, fettle-hungry antiques like my first Mini are right out. Within about half an hour of starting on the job someone had offered me a very fetching MK3 Allegro, but with my mechanical uselessness it'd be a British Leyland story that'd only end in tears.

In fact, my own suggestions leaned towards modern day funsters with a handy dose of reliability - take, for instance, a Peugeot 106 GTi, a Ford Puma, a Citroen AX GT or, shock horror, another MX-5. I even suggested, possibly because it was getting late, the idea of an old Escort van with a mattress stuffed into the back "because I like going camping". That's how I ended up asking if all sorts of cars I grew up with back in the Nineties have earned their classic car wings yet.

One of my fellow staffers mentioned he ran a Citroen XM - that early Nineties spaceship with the wonderfully French hydrobrilliant suspension - and that led me to a small epiphany in the form of its smaller Xantia sister. It's brilliant because it's got more than a hint of the XM's quirkiness, but it's also friendly enough not to completely alienate an automotive idiot like me. Best of all, I could track down the diesel version because Southport to CCW's Peterborough offices is quite a long way.

I reckon, should the occasion call for it, it's could be a candidate. So then, whoever it is that judges these things.... does this count as a classic yet?

Life begins at Classic Car Weekly

JUST a quick note to say how much I've enjoyed my first day as a full time motoring journalist.

It's not every day you start as a writer for Classic Car Weekly, which is based down in Peterborough and published by Bauer Media, but that's exactly how the dream of getting up, driving gorgeous old cars and then getting paid to write about them, started this morning.

I've already been entrusted with a series of motoring-related missions, including some stories which should, fingers crossed, be in next Wednesday's edition. All this on a day when I've managed to get totally lost in the office's endless corridors and have only just discovered where the canteen is!

Ever since I learned to string "Range Rover" into a sentence I've been pretty much obsessed with cars, especially older ones which make grunty noises when you put your foot down. For the past three years, my friends at The Champion have allowed me to indulge my automotive passions on the flimsiest of journalistic excuses - and don't worry, the weekly column WILL continue - but now I'm a fully grown boy and I get to do what I love doing most of all for a living.

To say I'm looking forward to giving these automotive adventures my all's a bit of an understatement.

Tomorrow's assignment: drive an E-Type. No, really. One of my first assignments for Classic Car Weekly is to let you know what it's like to get behind the wheel of a car I've been itching to drive since I was ten years old.

I'll keep you posted...

Have you got a story for Classic Car Weekly you'd like to share with David? Get in touch with him by sending an email to david.simister@classiccarweekly.co.uk or give him a call on 01733 468847.