VW goes Northern Soul

HATS off to Volkswagen this week for coming up with something no manufacturer has ever managed before; a car aimed at Lancashire and Yorkshire!

How else would you explain a hatchback clearly named after a chirpy chunk of dialect used mainly in these parts of the world? Personally, I thought the people behind the Lupo and Scirocco might have gone for something vaguely exotic, but instead it's called its latest city star the E-Up. No, really.

Luckily, it's only an electrically powered concept car doing the rounds at the Frankfurt Motor Show, taking place this week, so chances are it'll get vetted by Volkswagen's Northern Dialects Department long before it hits the showrooms. Yet it still got the proud Northern bloke in me thinking; what if there was a car just for us?

Any Volkswagen Eh Up - we don't hyphenate our greetings Up North - would have to abandon satnavs for starters. Most of us went to Scout meetings and therefore know how to read a map, so a giant Ordnance Survey scrolled across the entire windscreen will do nicely instead.

Spec levels would be set out according to precise patches of the North, with Red Rose and White Rose editions only ever sold on either side of the Lancashire/Yorkshire border. VW would also have to ditch the iconic GTI badge for the performance version, with a new YI moniker instead to boost sales in the North East.

Naturally the stereo would only be able to play trendy indie bands, although chances are it could stop working and split up altogether after several years, to give owners a feeling of regional reassurance.

Eh Ups would also be a bit blunter to drive than their rivals - they say what they mean - but in their defence they're honest, friendly and know a good real ale when they come across one.

Car companies have made some truly tragic naming mistakes before, but as anyone who's ever tried to buy a Toyota MR2 in France or Mitsubishi Pajero in Spain will testify, some still get through the net.

The E-Up's fun looks and clever propulsion system are bound to make it a sales success, but I'd rather have an Eh Up instead.